Author: Shannon Miller
Well, it was an interesting start to the morning. I did an update interview with News4Jax before I headed off to chemo for the day. I had a talk with a friend last night that really made me think. I’ve been worried about how all this is affecting our son. So far he hasn’t seemed phased by anything and is smiling and laughing more than ever. But he had not seen me without a hat or a wig.
This friend, who knows and loves Rocco like her own looked me straight in the eye and said “Shannon, YOU need to be comfortable looking at yourself in the mirror before you introduce that to him.” She had a great point. He does pick up on emotions and if I have fear, hesitation or concern he’ll know. So last night I took some time and just looked in the mirror. I felt my head and just began to get used to it.
In the morning, I continued brushing my teeth, putting makeup on and not covering it up. It didn’t take long to realize that it’s not that bad. What I was making up in my head and thinking it would be scary to look at turned out to be completely wrong. It’s amazing how our minds work. We can completely build something up in our heads and make it so much worse than it actually is. On the flip side, with the right attitude, we can find strength we never thought we had by simply turning things around and looking for the positive.
I can’t be upbeat 24/7, no one can. We have to allow ourselves the downtime, a pity party, a good cry now and then. That’s healthy. It’s a true emotion and we have to let it out. But once we’ve got that out we can pick ourselves back up and keep going, one step at a time.
So this morning when it came time to decide whether or not I could pull off my wig and go au naturale in front a television camera for all to see, I had this wonderful sense of peace. I know I battle most with the fear of the unknown. I like to be in control and when we’re in a new situation, that’s difficult. By pulling off that wig, cute as it is, I felt like I was taking control. I hope that other women will see this and know that they are not alone. There is no need to be embarrassed or ashamed. We will stand proud together and we will persevere!